A Real Hero
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Amplify’d from www.adaringadventure.com
A Real Hero
I am standing at the starting line. I am nervous. I am in tears. I am surrounded by my friends. They are trying to calm my nerve but they aren’t helping. I am thinking walk off the course and say “I will do this next time”.
But I stay. I want to do this. I want to show myself and others this is possible. I want to shun all the nay sayers. And most importantly, I wanted to rightfully “earn” all the money I raised for cancer by doing this race. It has been a rough, tough, brutal and yet rewarding four months. I am here now. I am doing this.
You see, I used to weigh 360lbs. A full circle. I was the guy who had to sit in the front passenger seat because sitting in the back would make others uncomfortable. Sure I always joked about it and said I got to sit “shotgun” all the time but trust me, it did not make me feel good.
I used to hide food from my family. In the drawers. Under my clothing. Under the bed. You name it.
Why did I do all this? Well, do you want Mom and Dad constantly reminding you that you are growing fatter by the moment? Want your siblings to constantly make fun of you? So the only way I could find my way to comfort (the food) was to hide it.
I used get on the plane and cover my belly with a sweater just so the steward wouldn’t see that I needed an extension belt.
Big and Tall was the only place I could shop. No brand name clothing nothing. Though I am not big into brand names cloths anyhow, still, the feeling that you get knowing you can’t wear them hurts.
I used to say I am scared of roller coasters only because I knew I couldn’t fit in them. Now, let me be clear, I am still petrified of them but I do them anyway (but that is not the point here, I just couldn’t fit into them).
And here’s the thing. I knew all of this. I knew I was fat. I knew I was hurting myself. I knew it all. And still I choose to stay fat, to eat unhealthy. It was my decision. But it didn’t really bother me.
Why didn’t it?
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