My Unconquerable Soul

In late-2008, I was lucky enough to discover a book called, The Introvert Advantage (How To Thrive in an Extrovert World), by Marti Laney, Psy.D. It felt like someone had written an encyclopedia entry on a rare race of people to which I belong. Not only had it explained many of my eccentricities, it helped me to redefine my entire life in a new and productive context.

Sure, anyone who knows me would say, “Duh! Why did it take you so long to realize you’re an Introvert?” It’s not that simple. The problem is that labeling someone as an Introvert is a very shallow assessment, full of common misconceptions. It’s more complex than that.

A section of Laney’s book (page 71 through page 75) maps out the human brain and explains how neuro-transmitters follow different dominant paths in the nervous systems of Introverts and Extroverts. If the science behind the book is correct, it turns out that Introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine, so too much external stimulation overdoses and exhausts them. Conversely, Extroverts can’t get enough Dopamine, and they require Adrenaline for their brains to create it. Extroverts also have a shorter pathway and less blood-flow to the brain. The messages of an Extrovert’s nervous system mostly bypass the Broca’s area in the frontal lobe, which is where a large portion of contemplation takes place.

Unfortunately, according to the book, only about 25% of people are Introverts. There are even fewer that are as extreme as I am. This leads to a lot of misunderstandings, since society doesn’t have very much experience with my people. (I love being able to say that.)

So here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts (not taken directly from the book, but based on my own life experience):

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

“You cannot escape us, and to change us would lead to your demise.”

It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become "normal." Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves.

It took me quite some time to accept myself as an introvert. I felt like I had have a lot of friends and want to party all the time. It was especially weird when I joined a sales organization full of extroverted alpha males.

Strangely enough once I embraced who I am, I didn't feel out of place anymore. I still don't necessarily do what everybody else is doing but I'm ok with it and so is everyone else around me. I would be surprised if anyone thought I was rude or didn't like others. When people are around me they quickly figure out that there is no wasted breath. I say what's on my mind and never talk just hear myself.

It's good to get this info out so that extroverts know what the deal is.

What was the last great non-fiction book that you read? What one book was so good, that after you finished it, you promised yourself that you were going to read it again?

One more question, how many books on your bookshelf do you have, that you told yourself you were going to reread because there was more you wanted to get out of it?

I will go first, my answer is 38 books. I currently have 38 books on my bookshelf, that were so good that I told myself I would read them again.

Since I average a little less than two books a week, that’s about six months of reading material that I have already read before.

There’s too much great work out there today, to spend six months rereading books I have already read. Instead of spending six months taking in new ideas, I have to spend six months going over what I should have already learned.

Reading comprehension, isn’t a word most of us have heard since taking college entrance exams. However, as I get older, I’m starting to see how important this skill is to have.

After my personal library got to the point where I needed to reread more than 30 books, I saw that it was time to change. The following is a very simple approach that I have used that has not only increased my comprehension many times over.

The Index Card Method for Increasing Your Reading Comprehension

Start this process, before you begin reading:

1. Write out the purpose for reading the book on the top of a 3 x 5 index card.
2. Review the outline, index, author bios, reviews, etc., for five to ten minutes.
3. List the top five questions that you want the author to answer on the 3 x 5 index card.
4. Use the notecard as a bookmark and review questions before each reading session.
   

Why Does This Work?
Chances are, that you probably not that amazed with this approach. Just stay with me here, as I explain to you why this works.

Take 60 seconds and take the test in this video. To get the most out of this post, take the test before reading another word.

Done watching? OK great. Now be honest with me, how many of you noticed? Even though I was writing a post on selective attention, I still didn’t notice.

This video is a great example of how our brain chooses to process some items and discard others, also known as selective attention. You have the choice to use the phenomenon to your advantage or disadvantage.

Imagine if you started watching that video after they asked you to count how many passes the white team made. You probably wouldn’t be able to record how many passes the white team made, how many passes the black team made, or the fact that a bear moon-walked across the video. In other words, watching that video would be of no use to you.

This is exactly how I used to pick up a book. Without asking myself what I should focus on, I would start reading page from page # 1. It wasn’t until after I was done, that I finally started to understand what the author was trying to tell me. The next part is the worst, knowing that there is much more to get out of the book, I would file it on my bookshelf, and tell myself I was going to read it again.

The first time I tried the index card method, I noticed an inner voice in my head. A voice that told me when to sit up straight and pay attention because an important part of the book is coming up. Just as important, this voice also let me know when to read a little faster because the current material just wasn’t that important. Not only will did I see an increase in comprehension by applying this method, I also found myself reading much faster because my brain knew it was OK to skim the non-essential.

What to Focus On
The questions that you write down on your notecard will vary from book to book. One tip is to be as specific as possible as to what area you want to improve. For example, say you’re reading a personal development book. Instead of asking yourself, “How can I apply this information?”, ask, “What habits can I form to help implement the author’s core message?”

Other questions that I find myself asking a lot include:

1. What is the one thing that the author wants me to start doing?
2. What is the one thing that the author wants me to stop doing?
3. What will be my immediate action, once I put this book down?
4. Are there any projects I need to begin, that will help me implement the ideas in this book?
5. How can I apply what I have learned to become a better financial planner?

It Doesn’t have to be a Book
This method isn’t limited to just books. Brainstorm a few questions before the next blog post or newspaper article you read. I have even started implementing this approach to emails.

The goal is to create more, while consuming less.

Good luck!